Surprise Porn

by Michael Channing

The problem--okay, one of the problems--with porn is that it's so predictable. No mater the situation or group configuration, you know where the scene is going and exactly how it will end. There should be at least one pornographic film with an M. Knight Shyamalan twist.

The guy is nearing his big finish, making those silly faces, mouth tense, back rigid, panting fast, closer... closer... and then...

Sprinkles!

Oh, sorry, honey. I... I got sprinkles in your hair.

I want the cable repair man to show up, fix the cable, then leave. Surprise! I did not see that coming. Didn't see anybody coming, actually. I was not expecting that.

Someday, someone will make the Usual Suspects of porn. And judging from his career trajectory, it will be M. Knight himself.